When Stephen Harper became Prime Minister of Canada, Michael Valpy of the Globe and Mail wrote a piece very critical of Governor General Michaelle Jean. In his article Valpy reported that Stephen Harper was told by Alex Himelfarb, then the Clerk of the Queen's Privy Council: "Prime Minister, your biggest problem is in Rideau Hall," meaning Jean and her potential to be a "loose cannon". (Rideau Hall is the home of the Governor General).

That loose cannon broke loose this week when television screens around the world exposed the representative of her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II on her knees in a track suit before the freshly slaughtered and steaming carcass of a seal, knife (ulu) in hand, hacking through the flesh to cut off a piece of the animal's raw bleeding heart. She then stuffed the blood-oozing organ into her mouth, chewed it, wiped the blood from her lips and fingers with a tissue, and declared it delicious.

What was she thinking? She looked the very image of a Borneo cannibal queen. All that was missing was the bone through her nose. Sarah Palin in all her gory glory cannot compete with the sheer symbolic audacity of the act of eating a bleeding heart before the eyes of millions of people around the world. She would have to eat the beating heart of a real Liberal to top that outrageous act of her Canadian badass counterpart, the Governor General of Canada.

Jean (I'm sorry, I can no longer bring myself to refer to her as Her Excellency - not without a snicker anyhow) is either a gullible pawn for the government's endorsement of the commercial seal hunt or she is simply ecologically ignorant and insensitive to a great number of Canadians who oppose the slaughter of the seals.

Maybe eating raw bleeding meat is okay for the residents of Jean's native Haiti where children are sold on the street and cookies for toddlers are made from mud, and I suspect that if a poor seal made the mistake of hauling out on the beach near Port aux Prince that he could very well be eaten raw.

Haiti is a country of extreme poverty impoverished after decades of brutal rule by dictators. It is also a country where animals are sacrificed for religious purposes and people bathe in the steaming blood of decapitated chickens.

Perhaps it is no coincidence that the Caribbean Monk seal is now extinct.

And it is from this country that Michaelle Jean came in 1967 to Canada where she took residence in Quebec and despite being a citizen of France, holding a French passport - became the official representative of the Queen of England for Canada.

Prime Minister Paul Martin was obviously desperate to get a black woman immigrant from Quebec into Rideau Hall and as such, vetted her with less effort than John McCain vetted Sarah Palin.

From the gracious elegance and eloquence of former Governor General Adrianne Clarkson, a Canadian born citizen of Chinese descent, to this crude woman whose redneck antics rival that of Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. Yes indeed, Canada has fallen from grace with civilized humane values.

Why is this woman the Governor General of Canada? She was openly sympathetic to the Quebec Separatists, she has removed portraits of the Queen from Rideau House. Jean and her husband Jean-Daniel LaFond were so closely connected to the Quebec terrorist organization the Front de Liberation de Quebec (FLQ) that they hired the ex-con, convicted murderer and terrorist Jacques Rose to do carpentry work for them in their Montreal home. They knew who he was. They knew he had slain Quebec Labour minister Pierre LaPorte and they knew he had kidnapped British Trade Commissioner James Cross, yet he was in their home erecting book shelves, and odds are that a copy of Rose's book is even now sitting on that shelf.

Rene Boulanger, writing for Quebec sovereigntist publication Le Quebecois, openly reported her support for the cause of independence and Gilles Rheaume, the former president of the Saint-Jean-Baptiste Society called on Jean to reveal how she voted in Quebec's 1995 referendum on independence, and members of parliament, as well as some provincial premiers, demanded that Jean and her husband clarify where their sympathies lay. She declined.

It is interesting that the husband of Sarah Palin was a member of the Alaskan separatist Party and the husband of the Governor General was an open sympathizer of the Quebec separatist party. These two women have more in common than just their lust for animal blood.

It appears that most politically radical sins can be absolved in Canada by pledging allegiance to the blood cult of the seal slaughter: In the seal club we trust b'yes.

The definition of a modern day Canadian traitor is anyone who opposes the clubbing of baby seals, a crime for which there is no forgiveness in Canada. If you are against the bashing in of the skulls of seal pups, you won't be receiving the Order of Canada or invitations to dine with the Governor General, not that I would want to being that I have no desire for her taste in cuisine. I wonder if she takes a trip to China will she dine on monkey brains so as not to "insult" her host?

Yet those of us, Canadian born, whose heritage in Canada goes back numerous generations, yet who have spent a lifetime opposing the cruel and excessive slaughter of seals, are condemned and persecuted in our own nation for daring to oppose the merciless status quo of Eastern Canadian traditions.

I am a Canadian whose family came to the Maritimes in 1587 from France and 1759 from Ireland. I saw my first seal pup clubbed to death before my eyes at the age of ten on the beach in New Brunswick, and ever since I have been at war with my government in a lifetime effort to restore the dignity of my nation by ending this bloody barbaric industry once and for all.

How dare Governor General Michaelle Jean dismiss my concerns as a Canadian citizen about an issue that brings such disgrace upon the escutcheon of my nation? She has no constitutional right to challenge the political beliefs of the citizens of Canada. It is not for her to neither condone nor condemn the slaughter of the seals. She is supposed to represent the views of all Canadians, and not just the minority, who still dabble in bloody barbarism and make a living from skinning baby seals alive.

When asked what she thought the Europeans Parliament would think, her flippant response was "they can take from it what they will."

In response, European Commissioner Stavros Dimas said, "I have no comment, it's too bizarre to acknowledge."

The Palace has not commented publicly but Dickie Arbiter, the former press secretary to the Queen, was not amused. "I find what she's done extraordinary to comprehend," he said. "To start cutting up a seal and eating it is sort of making a political statement and not what one expects a governor-general to do."

What is going on in Canada? The government is wanting to dress Canadian Olympic athletes in seal skin, the Prime Minister threatened to scuttle a $25 billion trade deal with Europe over an insignificant antiquated industry, trade officials are scurrying around the globe desperately seeking markets for seals from Switzerland to Vietnam. These trade officials have actually stooped to hustling seal penises to the Chinese in a pathetic attempt to compete with the Viagra market. (Apparently dried and shriveled up seal penis made into a tea is supposed to be a remedy for erectile dysfunction).

Not only does Canada continue to be a primitive nation of hewers of wood and haulers of water, my nation is now in the snake oil, wildlife sex potion business.

In her recent column in the Globe and Mail, Margaret Wente referred to the Governor General as Canada's Braveheart:


"She's Canada's new Braveheart," declared Peter MacKay, who coincidentally is the cabinet minister for the Newfoundland and Labrador vote. You remember Braveheart. He was the guy who charged an overwhelming enemy and cried, "They may take our lives, but they'll never take ... OUR FREEDOM"

Hmmm, William Wallace may have had a brave heart but Michaelle is content to simply eat hearts, preferably raw and bloody.

I think the more appropriate quote should be: "They may take our hakapiks, but they'll never take ....our seal flipper pie or our dole!"

And now we have that ridiculous Canadian Liberal Senator Celine Hervieux-Payette demanding that seal meat be served in the Parliamentary restaurant in Ottawa. She says that the Parliamentary Chef has agreed to serve it. "He is quite willing to serve some. I just hope that one day, I will invite my European counterparts to eat it. And I will make sure they eat it."

"Let them eat seal!" That sounds like a threat Celine. What are you going to do? Stuff seal meat down their throats whether they like it or not?

Tough words from a tough old broad it appears. Senator's Celine's toughness as a wildlife killer is now however third place behind Governor Palin and Governor General Jean for the Cruella De Vill badge of dishonor. Canadian Minister of Fisheries and Oceans Gail Shea runs a distant fourth. She's still trying to determine if whales are fish or mammals.

Like Michaelle Jean, Celine Hervieux-Payette was never elected. She ran for office three times but was defeated. However, in Canada the Prime Minister appoints the Governor General, and Senators are appointed for life. Hervieux-Payette owes her claim to Senatorship to a liaison in flagrante delicto with former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau. He appointed her Minister of Sport and then she was later appointed to the Senate where she will stay at the taxpayers expense until she reaches the age of 75 in 2016.

Devouring raw seal hearts, seal stew in Parliament, seal skin Olympic uniforms, shooting wolves from airplanes, a mass slaughter of narwhals, offices decorated with trophy heads and skins: where does the madness end?

The lunacy just gets weirder. Governor Sarah Palin is upping her kill quotas for wolves and is dead set on keeping the Polar bear hunt legal despite diminished bear populations. It's now become a race between which of the two female Governors and the Senator has the bigger set of imaginary cajones.

But Hervieux-Payette and Palin have some catching up to do to qualify for badass mama of the North. Without missing a beat after her heart devouring photo op, the Governor General has now announced she is going to go hunting seals on the ice. "I eat lamb and veal," said Jean, "so why not baby seal?"

The last time Haitian fishermen went hunting seals, they drove the Caribbean Monk seal to extinction. It seems like Michaelle Jean may be leading a new inquisition against the seals.

Ahhh... the great White North where women are red in tooth and claw, and where ecological stupidity and gross cruelty are the defining attributes of northern femininity.

With these three female serial killers on the loose, the polar bears, the wolves, the seals and anything else both free and wild have not got a chance.

Note: The outrage over the Governor General's actions have been so heated that the Globe and Mail disabled their online comments:

The Toronto Globe and Mail
Latest Comments
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Editor's Note: Comments have been closed on this story because an overwhelming number of readers were making offensive statements about other commenters and/or the individual or individuals mentioned in the story. That kind of behaviour is a breach of our commenting policy, and so the comment function has been turned off. We appreciate your understanding.

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